Sorry I haven’t been around much, life has been a bit crazy. On the TTC front, not much has changed. I’m currently cd 53, with no recent ovulation that I’m aware of! I finally got the okay yesterday from my endocrinologist to increase the dosage of metformin. So, as of last night I am taking 2000mg of it. I’m really hoping that this will do the trick for me. I really just want to have a normal cycle again! I keep getting the urge to go back to the RE, but am telling myself to just give it some time. There really isn’t any reason for me to throw all our money that direction just to get me to ovulate. The fact of the matter is we just don’t know if my only tube will work! If I can get my body to ovulate on a consistent basis then at least we can try the old fashioned way for a bit. Gotta keep saving for our IVF/adoption fund.
So now for the good stuff. Today is the one year anniversary of losing my second angel… There’s so many emotions that fill my head. Of course I am sad over the loss of my sweet baby, but I think mostly I am just numb. I am angry that I’ve lost not just one, but two babies. I’m sad that it’s been a whole year, with nothing left to show for it. I think we always tend to set little goals when an anniversary comes up. First it was wanting to be pregnant before my due date, like somehow that would negate my feelings of sadness. Then of course the 1 year mark. I wanted more than anything to at least get pregnant by then. How difficult should that be?! As it turns out, I guess that its simply not in the cards this year.
Today is also a bit of a weird day for another reason. A dear friend of mine, who has struggled with infertility for far longer than anyone should ever have to, lost her sweet baby today. She went in for her first ultrasound yesterday, only to learn that the baby had stopped growing. I tend to hold a bit of jealousy for those around me that are pregnant, but there was truly nothing more I could have asked for than for this friend to finally get her angel baby. My heart is just shattered for her family. </3
Before I wrap this up for the day, take a listen to this song if you haven’t heard it already. There won’t be a dry eye in the room.
~~~~~Fly high angel babies~~~~~